How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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