my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to rekindle our bromance
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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