Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize