Already got asked if we're dating
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
