My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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