I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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