i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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