I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
