currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
