Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
how do you play pong handcuffed?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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