Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
