Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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