I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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