I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
