My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
