i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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