I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
