What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
