Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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