I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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