tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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