Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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