I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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