I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
