My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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