how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
