Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
