You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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