so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
