I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
