she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
