I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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