I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
