i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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