Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I yelled at your uterus for you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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