Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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