So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
