can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
