i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
