Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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