I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he shaved USA in his pubs
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
