things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
