I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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