Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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