You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
