I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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