girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
