Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
