he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize