Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
