I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
