He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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