Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
