You smell like stripper and shame
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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