YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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