did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
