Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
