They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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