believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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