The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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