i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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