things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
