He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
