so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
This toilet bowl is my home.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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