i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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