are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
