My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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