Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
